Under the ‘Read & Grow’ series, MMA organised a discussion on the theme of the book ‘Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ’ written by Daniel Golemanon 17 April 2025 at MMA Management Center. Sreenivassan Ramaprasad, Director, CADD Centre Training Services anchored the conversation withV Narasimhan, Facilitator & Leadership Coach; and Somu Chockalingam, Co-Founder, Doyen Systems Pvt Ltd.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: We are moving towards an increasingly artificial world. Amidst all this automation, emotions remain deeply human. That is why Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence, written 30 years ago is highly relevant today. This book is structured into five parts.
Part I explores the ‘Emotional Brain,’ where Goleman explains how the amygdala, the brain’s emotional centre, often overrides the neocortex, which is responsible for rational thinking. In Part II, he examines the nature of emotional intelligence, arguing that Emotional Quotient (EQ) is as crucial as Intelligence Quotient (IQ) in determining success in life and relationships. He cites the case of a brilliant student who, despite academic excellence, stabbed his teacher—highlighting a lack of self-regulation.
Five Components of EQ
Goleman outlines five key components of EQ: self-awareness, which involves recognising one’s emotions; self-regulation, which pertains to managing impulses and remaining composed; motivation, which refers to channelling emotions towards goals; empathy, which is the ability to recognise emotions in others; and social skills, which encompass managing relationships effectively.
For self-regulation, M S Dhoni comes to mind. When I think of empathy, I am reminded of the late Ratan Tata, who personally comforted victims of the 26/11 attacks and once skipped an award ceremony at Buckingham Palace because his dog was unwell. Indra Nooyi, during her tenure as President of PepsiCo, exemplified social skills by writing personal letters to employees’ parents, thanking them for raising outstanding professionals.
Part III, Emotional Intelligence in Action, examines how EQ manifests in various aspects of life, including marriage, work, health, and education. Goleman introduces the concept of ‘intimate enemies’—couples who, despite once being in love, lose their emotional connection over time. He asserts that emotional balance is a blend of psychology, biology, and emotional awareness.
Part IV, Windows of Opportunity, focuses on early childhood and how factors such as family, trauma, and temperament shape a child’s long-term emotional development. Goleman identifies seven essential ingredients for emotional growth: confidence, curiosity, intentionality, self-control, relatedness, communication, and cooperation.
Part V, Emotional Literacy, underscores the importance of integrating emotional education into schools and colleges. Goleman highlights rising concerns such as social withdrawal, anxiety, attention disorders, and aggression in children, advocating for embedding emotional learning in curricula to equip them with lifelong EQ skills.
During the T20 World Cup final last year, when South Africa was chasing India and needed just a run-a-ball, I lost hope. But the final overs completely changed the game. When Suryakumar Yadav took that unbelievable catch on the boundary, I leapt out of my chair in sheer joy. That is the power of emotions.
Goleman’s central message is simple yet profound—emotions can be intelligent if we learn to understand and manage them. IQ may help one succeed in school, but EQ is what truly carries a person through life, shaping relationships, careers, and personal growth.
Emotional Intelligence: Perspectives and Anecdotes
Somu Chokalingam: I always believed that IQ was something one could improve, but Goleman points out that IQ is largely fixed—it does not change significantly over time. Emotional intelligence (EQ), on the other hand, can be developed. In fact, most successful leaders—whether in their professional or personal lives—tend to possess high EQ. This suggests that continuous effort in enhancing emotional intelligence is essential for success.
The good news is that, according to Goleman, improving EQ is absolutely possible. However, he cautions against attempting to change too many aspects at once. Instead, he advocates focusing on a single behaviour, working on it consistently over a period of three to six months. Once it becomes second nature, then move on to the next. This reminds me of how New Year’s resolutions often fail—we start with multiple goals, only for most of them to fall by the wayside within weeks. However, concentrating on one change at a time can be truly effective, and I found this approach both practical and insightful.
Another point that stood out was how emotions bypass logic. When you touch something hot, you react instantly—‘Ouch, it’s hot!’—without any conscious analysis. Similarly, when we are upset, we often resort to curse words, which may lack logical meaning but are deeply ingrained from early life experiences.
I come from a large family—my father had eight siblings—so school vacations were like reunions, with 50 cousins under one roof. Living with so many people taught me valuable lessons in patience, adaptability, and the art of letting go. Although nobody formally taught us emotional intelligence, we absorbed it through real-life interactions, and that early exposure played a key role in shaping our emotional maturity. While it is easier to build emotional intelligence during one’s formative years, it is still possible to develop it later in life. However, doing so requires conscious and consistent effort.
Narasimhan: Daniel Goleman says he thought ‘emotional intelligence’ was an oxymoron. Intelligence is about logic, the left-brain stuff and so how can emotions and intelligence be combined? But the concept is about being intelligent with emotions. If I had to master just one of the 5 components of EI, I’d choose self-regulation, because one wrong word at the wrong moment can ruin a relationship or derail a deal. People walk away because they feel judged. In today’s world, we see emotional outburst everywhere, especially in global politics. That’s why self-regulation is so vital.
Empathy, often called the new superpower, is more important than ever in the age of AI. Despite all the IQ and tech, we are still human beings with feelings and aspirations. Leadership, after all, isn’t about a title. It’s about being emotionally grounded.
Let me share a personal anecdote. I once had the privilege of spending 90 minutes in conversation with M.S. Dhoni, just before COVID. My friend, Subramaniam Badrinath, invited me to a coaches’ workshop at Crown Plaza, Chennai where Dhoni happened to be. That conversation with him remains one of the finest leadership lessons I’ve ever experienced.
I’ll never forget the 2007 T20 World Cup Final between India and Pakistan. In the last over, Pakistan needed 13 runs. Dhoni asked Joginder Sharma to bowl. The first ball was a wide. Dhoni ran up to him—not once, but three times. Many of us thought he was advising Joginder. But when I asked Dhoni later what he told him, his response stunned me. Dhoni said, “I didn’t advise him. I ran up to slow down the game so Joginder could catch his breath and bowl rightly.”
That’s pure emotional intelligence under pressure. In an IPL match between CSK and Gujarat Titans, a substitute fielder made an error and the ball went for four. Dhoni ran up again—not to scold him but to steady the moment. On the very next ball, the same fielder ran out a Gujarat Titans batsman. Dhoni is a walking, talking lesson in composure and EQ.
Let me contrast that with a famous incident lacking emotional control. In an India-Pak match at Chepauk, India hit 288 off 50 overs and Pakistan innings started. They were 104 for 1 in 13.5 overs and were set for an easy win. Aamir Sohail hit a boundary off Venkatesh Prasad and gestured arrogantly with his bat. Next ball, Prasad clean-bowled him. That one moment of emotional misjudgement turned the match and Pakistan lost it.
What’s true in cricket is just as true in life. Most relationship breakdowns stem from a lack of self-regulation. Research shows our thoughts shift every 16 seconds. If we can hold ourselves in that brief window and pause through self-regulation, we move from reaction to response.
Here’s a simple metaphor: if a doctor gives medicine and the patient develops a rash, we say the patient ‘reacted.’ If the patient recovers, we say he ‘responded.’ Reaction is negative; response is positive. Self-regulation enables response. Without self-regulation, self-awareness and empathy fall flat. We often live with irrational beliefs like: “People should respect me,” “People should listen when I speak.” These ‘should’s cause unnecessary stress. Self-regulation helps overcome them.
Somu Chokalingam: We often think venting helps us release emotion. But Goleman clarifies: it works for sadness, not anger. Venting anger only escalates it. Deep breathing and pausing are far more effective.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: My father had a short temper. I saw what uncontrolled anger could do, and decided early in life not to be like that. Coming from a technology-driven organisation, how does emotional intelligence play a vital role in fostering innovation, collaboration, and performance?
Practical Applications in a Tech-Led Company
Somu Chokalingam: We realised early on that we needed help in shaping our company culture, so we engaged external coaches. The first coach we hired, Dr. Soma Valliappan, happened to be a PhD in emotional intelligence. We didn’t hire him for that reason, but it was a blessing in disguise. We learnt a lot.
In our company, nearly 70% of the workforce is under 30. They relate to a very different world watching Karthik Subbaraj and Lokesh Kanagaraj films while our senior management grew up on Bharathiraja and S.P. Muthuraman’s films. Even our customers—mostly CIOs—are 50+. So, we have to communicate across generational and emotional gaps.
For example, when new hires discuss compensation, they even say, “Don’t deduct PF, I’ll manage it.” For them, take-home pay matters more than long-term benefits. Initially, we resisted this mindset. Later, we adapted. We redesigned compensation packages to balance attraction and retention.
To drive innovation, self-awareness is crucial. Unless you know where you stand, you can’t improve. We have implemented several initiatives to foster an emotionally supportive culture within our organisation. The Thank You Pillar allows employees to publicly appreciate one another by writing notes, enhancing both empathy and visibility.
Our Behavioural Awards recognise effort and intent rather than purely performance-based outcomes, ensuring that contributions are valued even if the results do not immediately follow. We introduced the Helping Hand Award, a monthly recognition for acts of support and kindness, reinforcing the importance of empathy and collaboration in the workplace. Emails are easily missed. But standing together, sharing stories, and recognising people publicly creates emotional resonance. It builds culture and drives connection.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: What emotion do you commonly see in your organisation? Is it anger or happiness?
Somu Chokalingam: Over the past five years, we’ve consistently been recognised as a ‘Great Place to Work.’ Interestingly, the first year we applied, we didn’t even prepare or know what to expect and we were ranked among the Top 20 mid-sized IT firms. After seeing our internal videos and social media clips, several friends told me, “You have a happy group.” So yes, happiness is the dominant emotion we see at our workplace.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: How do you see emotional intelligence transforming leadership styles in Indian organisations?
Narsimhan: It has definitely evolved. Around 25 years ago, leadership was more IQ-driven. The General Manager was usually the “know-it-all” with authority that went unquestioned. Systems back then accepted this top-down, autocratic style.
Post-2000, we’ve seen a shift. Leadership is now expected at all levels. Training is no longer reserved for revenue-generating roles. Today, every function—front-end, back-end, operations—must be aligned to deliver value to the end customer. This has fuelled a transition from IQ to EQ. With increasing complexity and the need to handle change management, diversity, digital transformation, leaders need to respond, not react.
In the Sundaram Finance Group, every major training intervention includes emotional intelligence—whether for senior leaders or entry-level employees. We also have robust induction programs, especially for lateral hires from different industries and age groups. Cultural alignment is crucial. We aim to build both IQ and EQ. As they say, “IQ gets you hired, EQ helps you grow.”
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: Is there a shift from autocratic to empathetic leadership?
Narsimhan: Absolutely. The shift didn’t happen only because of the leaders—it happened because of the system and the next generation. Today’s youth don’t blindly obey authority. This generation questions everything. That has pushed leaders to evolve. Empathy is no longer optional.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: Among the five components of emotional intelligence, which do you think is most critical for grooming future tech leaders?
Somu Chokalingam: I lean towards self-awareness, because it’s what helped me the most. I come from a strong tech background. I worked with GE and Oracle and had high expectations when we started Doyen Systems. I expected the same performance standards from a small startup team. When that didn’t happen, I’d get upset, even arrogant. I thought I was justified—after all, I’d invested time and money.
But working with coaches helped me look in the mirror and realise the problem wasn’t always the team. It was how I was communicating expectations. Once I became aware of my own triggers and behavior, it opened the door to self-regulation and better leadership. When dealing with younger employees, we often fail to see things from their perspective. Developing self-awareness helps bridge that gap.
The EI Journey at Sundaram Finance
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: At Sundaram Finance, how have you developed emotional intelligence capabilities among mid- and senior-level leaders?
Narsimhan: The TVS family already has a high spiritual quotient. You walk into any Sundaram office, and you feel the culture. No one needs to tell you it’s there. As the organization grows, we onboard people from diverse backgrounds, industries, and generations. Delivering the same ‘Sundaram Experience’ across branches—from Adyar in Chennai to Bhatinda in Punjab—is our hallmark. This consistency requires service-mindedness and empathy and values like fair play and relationships.
We launched a program called Sundaram Seva, rooted in empathy, to instill this culture in all 10,000+ employees and associates, including outsourced staff. The MD says, “I don’t pay your salary—the customer does.” That’s our service mindset.
We also adopted Nonviolent Communication (NVC) from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. His premise is simple: we are all bundles of needs and feelings. When our needs are unmet, we become reactive. For senior leaders, we implemented ‘EQ coaching’ through Coaching Foundation India. Every leadership intervention includes an EI component. We even launched a six-day program called ‘Winning Through People’ for mid-level managers, especially to improve head office–branch relationships, which can be strained during high-pressure periods like fiscal year-end.
We didn’t call it ‘emotional intelligence training’, but embedded it subtly, with focus on responding rather than reacting. It made a big impact on collaboration across our vast branch network. To scale this, we trained 150 internal gurus—each responsible for coaching and mentoring 100 employees. That’s how we institutionalized EI across the organisation.
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: How do you build emotional resilience and maintain the balance between assertiveness and emotional control?
Somu Chokalingam: In software development, the development phase is relatively safer where we can test and fix things. But once a product goes live, the pressure to resolve issues quickly escalates. Especially during month-end closures, financial systems must work flawlessly. Those last few days of the month are extremely intense.
We offer training, but never label it as ‘anger management.’ That won’t work. Instead, we package it as leadership programs, where emotional regulation is subtly included. We also use tools like MBTI assessments to help team members understand their behavioural patterns. Initially, people resist and say, “This is not me!” But when we connect it with real incidents, they begin to see its value.
More importantly, we emphasise customer delight—that’s our central mantra. Every meeting I attend ends with a conversation about customer satisfaction. When people understand the bigger goal, and they’re self-aware of their behavior and impact, they become more open to change. We also recognize that some behaviours won’t change with age. So as leaders, we focus on enabling strengths rather than highlighting weaknesses. This helps build a more resilient, emotionally intelligent culture over time.
Embedding EI in Culture and Leadership
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: What advice would you give to L&D professionals who want to embed EQ as a cultural pillar rather than treat it as a training checklist?
Narsimhan: My strong advice—do not wait. Research shows that 66% of career derailments stem from poor emotional intelligence, while 90% of high performers score highly on EQ. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence deliver 20% better business results, and employees who cultivate EQ tend to earn more over time. The business case is clear—delaying is not an option. However, it is crucial to consider your organisation’s specific context and tailor programmes accordingly, particularly for different groups within a multi-generational workforce. There is a common belief that EQ naturally improves with age, but that is not always the case. My recommendation is to start early. Since everyone experiences emotions, emotional intelligence training is essential for everyone.
Audience Q&A Session
Q: How do you integrate Emotional Intelligence into your training methodologies?
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: In my sessions, I don’t say, “I’m here to train you.” I say, “We’re here to learn together.” That subtle shift creates immediate connection, which is foundational to EQ. In all my programs, I focus on interaction and openness to learning. When learners feel understood, emotional intelligence gets embedded naturally. The takeaway isn’t just knowledge—it’s emotional connection.
Q: How has Emotional Intelligence contributed to your organisational culture?
Somu Chokalingam: Self-awareness was the foundation. Then came empathy, which we fostered through practices like the Helping Hands award and Behavioural Recognition. Using coaches made a huge difference. We know what’s good—like waking up early to exercise—but we rarely follow through. Coaches reflect reality, help you course-correct, and hold you accountable.
Q: How do you explain a top executive or leader—even in global politics—reaching a high position despite lacking emotional intelligence?
Sreenivassan Ramaprasad: Without EQ, even top leadership can be a disaster. So I hope such individuals find a coach and that would be the greatest success in history!
Q: Why do we observe that people in countries like the USA appear calm even under stress, while Indians—especially South Indians are more reactive?
Narasimhan: We Indians are emotionally expressive because our culture is relationship-oriented. Emotions flow freely where expectations and bonding run deep. This isn’t a flaw—it’s a strength. Take the traditional Seemandham ritual—where a pregnant mother stays in a calm, caring environment. It’s not just custom—it nurtures emotional well-being for the next generation.
Moreover, yogic practices like pranayama help manage emotional energy. I’ve studied 120 corporate professionals and those who practiced yoga scored significantly higher in emotional intelligence. So we don’t need to suppress our emotions. We only need to channel them constructively.
Q: How do you ensure your personal stress or mood doesn’t negatively affect your team?
Somu Chokalingam: This is a very real challenge. I learned the hard way during my first people management role at GE. I used to hire based on who I thought was ‘as good as me’—which is the wrong lens. My manager corrected me and said, “You’re not hiring a clone—you’re hiring for the job.”
What has helped me is cultivating self-awareness—recognising when I am in a bad mood and acknowledging its impact. Feedback from my team has also been invaluable; in an open culture, they can gently alert me when my emotions might be affecting interactions. Another effective strategy is delaying my response—taking a break rather than reacting in the moment ensures greater composure. I also find that switching mediums helps; if I feel upset during a call, I defer the discussion to an in-person meeting, where I tend to be much calmer. Ultimately, awareness, pausing, and empathy work wonders in navigating emotions effectively.
Q: What strategies can young professionals use to develop emotional intelligence alongside technical skills?
Narasimhan: Honestly, most young professionals already have EQ—it’s in our culture. Children instinctively offer elders a seat. That kind of behaviour stems from culture and upbringing, shaping emotional intelligence in subtle but powerful ways.
Developing emotional intelligence does not require complicated strategies; it simply calls for intentional living and awareness. Family serves as one of the best schools for emotional intelligence, where interactions teach patience, empathy, and resilience. Practising yoga or breathing techniques such as pranayama can be transformative, as breath and emotion are deeply interconnected, helping regulate mood and emotional responses. Emotional intelligence is not just learned—it is experienced, refined, and strengthened through mindful engagement with the world around us.
Q: How do you incorporate EQ in corporate leadership?
Narasimhan: Let me refer to the Radical Candor model by Kim Scott. Picture a 2×2 matrix with four quadrants as below:
- Low empathy, low challenge is Manipulative Insincerity
- High empathy, low challenge is Ruinous Empathy
- Low empathy, high challenge is Obnoxious Aggression
- High empathy, high challenge is Radical Candor
Leaders must operate in that last quadrant—caring deeply and challenging directly.
